COLON DAY - 1

This would be nice if they'd send out pre-op instructions on pastel artwork. Considering how much these things costs - I think it would go a long way to soothing fears.

One thing to keep in mind as you read this stuff is that this is my own personal fright. In other words - not every one has it. I know people who went in - took their colonoscopy and came out saying - hey - that was not such a big deal. Unfortunately, for a lot of reasons - some passed down probably from my mother - or maybe genetic - I simply have never been able to walk into a hospital without my blood pressure rising 20 points. I don't think I'm a hypocondriac - not in the sense that I always think something is wrong with me - I simply have a dread of doctors and hospitals and I'm old enough to know it just ain't gonna change.

Some of it may stem from the 15 years I spent going to hospitals and emergency rooms with my mother who had Lupus. The hospital was just a place where horrible things happened. Patients were lost in the paperwork. (See the movie The Hospital with George C. Scott for my take on it).

The only odd thing - is that as the day gets closer - my own fears start to disipate. That's something I don't understand completely although maybe its just - well finally its here so let's get on with it.

Another layer on top of this already existing fear is that they'll find something related to the Crohns disease: polyps, spread of the disease etc. Who the hell knows. On the other hand, I know rationally - since I'm having these things every year (more or less) that they'll probably catch whatever before its gotten out of hand. But there you have it. Tonight I'll drink the lemon flavored (there's a lie for you) Phospho crap; and from there on in its just a matter of sitting in the bathroom half the night.

Now I'm off to buy a few gallons of Gatorade.

[editor: I've been telling Dave not to spend so much time writing about his upcoming colonoscopy since readers would like to see some new pictures; or discussions about photography; but you know Dave - stubborn.]

Hey editor in chief - that's my life right now. This blog wasn't ever supposed to concentrate on photography - but on the "life of the photographer."

[editor: Well - if you want to turn people off - keep at it.]

No one's forcing anyone to read anything. In time - this will become interesting. Take my word for it. Especially if I can document the thing with pictures. I'm loading Tri-x into the Hexar now.

Dad in Hot Tub & Eiffel Tower

I forwarded a link to dad of his hot tub picture. (See below if you haven't seen the picture).

When he telephoned, you never heard such squeals of happy laughter. He was thrilled. It was as if I had painted the portrait of a king. He forwarded the link to his sister who was also amazed.

Then the link went to other Beckerman clan members. Same amazed reaction.

I didn't know Dave was painting! This is fantastic. I humbly explained that this wasn't "real painting" but that was lost on one and all. Frankly, early on I would much rather have been a painter - but quickly discovered that I lacked the ability to do anything remotely natural freehand - though these days I doubt that matters anymore. If I attempt to draw still life - it comes out like bad Picasso.

Oh you know Dave - he can do anything he puts his mind to, my cousin said.

My father wants a good sized print, but he also wants lots of small prints that he can hand out along with his business card (I kid you not).

I've been working on a large one of the eiffel tower - much more complex than the other ones since there's a lot of fretwork and willow tree etc. but it has been helpful in steadying my nerves.


This is still early on - but gives you an idea of the approach. The branches of the trees, for example are on there own layer - so I can futz with them on their own. Same for the water. The Eiffel Tower itself is the most difficult - not only because of the fretwork which is amazing - but because I'm having a hard time settling on the color scheme for the structure. I think that after that - everything else will fall into place. So far, the image has about 7 layers, each with a nice mask so I can smooth things over when I'm ready. At first I tried painting the willow tree leaf by leaf. That was impossible, so I found a nice feathery brush, and eventually settled on a series of related greens and yellows to do the job.

I work at 300 dpi, (in this case 11 x 14) so there is a wealth of detail. And p.s. - this stuff could never have been done with my old PC. I'm still doing this all in 16-bit.

Here's the layers from Dad In Hot Tub


One problem of showing this layer stuff is that you don't see how the layers are blended, or what the opacity settings are.

colonoscopy

Well - once more - here we go. I have my annual colonoscopy this Thursday at 10 a.m.

I already have butterflies thinking about it. I think this will be my fifth colonoscopy. Since I am absolutely terrified of hospitals, even if all they were going to do was clip my toenails - this puts me into a very bad mood for the next few days.

The procedure itself isn't that bad - it's just a bad phobia that I've had all my life and there's no way around it.

When I was ten years old, I stepped on a rusty nail - got a tetanus shot - walked to the elevator and passed out cold. So it goes back a long way.

I'm lucky that I have some valium to take before I get there - but I doubt if it will help much. Oh well - got to do it.

The procedure itself isn't all that bad - though last time the nurse couldn't quite find a vein and was hunting around a long time before I started to go under. And as anyone who's had this done knows - it's the night before with the phospho soda cleaning which keeps you going all night that really is awful. I'm going with my sister who will get a cab for us afterwards (thank God for family).

Because I have crohns - there will be lots of biopsies which makes the procedure longer. Then there's the waiting for a couple of days to see if any precancerous polyps are found. The whole thing freaks me out.

I might bring my hexar like I did last time. It seems to give me a sense of control over the situation. My doctor does his best to calm me down - but I don't know - if you've ever had a bad phobia, there's just no really good way to get over it.

I don't have any other phobias that go to this level. When we were up in Rhinebeck, we came to an aerodome place where you could go up in a two seater bi-plane and I was going to go but the place wasn't open for business yet. In other words, a lot of things that scare people have no effect on me - but just the smell of hospital disinfectent gives me the heebie jeebies.

I sometimes wish that my brain was like a cats - that I didn't really know what was coming or what exactly to expect. It seems that they live in the present better than I do. I'm forced to walk through life with baggage - and with images from the future which may or may not happen.

Then again - without this ability to flip back and forth through time - to imagine what would happen if - well - no trips to the moon without that; no inventions. No sense of the future or the past - I don't think humans would have survived.

Spring, Central Park

Spring, Central Park

(Medium Format - Mamiya 6 - 50mm)

Polar Bear and Baby

Polar Bear and Baby - Central Park Zoo

rhinebeck island

rhinebeck island

I began printing some of the color prints today on the silver rag. Very nice. I was surprised that I was able to do it without a profile (although a profile exists for the silver rag). I just set the printer control to ICM ADOBE 98 (which is my working space) and that was it. Damned close.

The overall look of the prints is like a pastel chalk sketch. How odd that I should have so much fun with color after all these years. Maybe it has a similar mysteriousness, abstractness - as a b&w photo? I haven't had any luck with color shots. I want to paint them all.

* * *

On other fronts, I'm deep into 'Cobra II' by Michael Gordon and General Trainor

No hype here. This is a serious and exciting account of the lead-up to, the invasion of, and the occupation of Iraq. One of the things that comes across early on his just how complicated the war was - is. How you can see the seeds for the current situation developing during the planning stages. I won't paraphrase the book - but if you want to get a detailed view of what was going on prior to and during the invasion - this is the book.

Cat On Bed

Buddy has been working on my "todo" list (his right) for a while. After that he watched some t.v. Now he needs a break.

Dad in Hot Tub

2 couples

Rhinebeck:

"Hey, why is your brother dragging us to all these graveyards? Must be something morbid about him."

"He's always been like that. I don't know what he thinks he's gonna find, but you can't go anywhere with him - without him dragging you off to some graveyard he spotted. I've been coming up here for five years and didn't know this was here.

- Hey. Pull over a sec. I want to look at that tree...

"Gawd, it's like having a little kid along. C'mon, we've got to get to the Stop and Shop."

- Leave me off here. I'll wait for you.

"Geez, are you sure?

- Yeah, I'm sure. Just don't forget about me.

"Wish we could."


Tree, Rhinebeck.




Cows, Rhinebeck New York

Walker Evans on the 6 Train

"To Helen Levitt, photographing in the subway (even though it was in fact against the law) was not daunting. Evans' difficulties looked to her more like a case of his usual inertia. Prodding him along, she volunteered to ride the subway with him as the photographer's foil. During the colder months of 1938, the two would set out for several hours of subway travel on the Lexington Avenue local, as he later described, 'down among the torn gum wrappers into the fetid, chattering, squealing cars underground.'"

In order to work inconspicuously, Evans did not use flash equipment in the subway car's dim available light but slowed his shutter speed down to a risky one fiftieth of a second. He painted the bright chrome parts of his 35mm Contax camera matte black, tucked its body under his coat with the lens slyly protruding between two buttons, and rigged the shutter to a cable release on a slender cord that led up to his right shoulder, down his sleeve, and into the palm of his hand. Sitting beside him, Levitt would feel him stiffen his back, his camera aimed at his captive and unsuspecting subjects, and know that he was about to squeeze the trigger. Every so often, they dismbarked onto a station platform for a cagarette break." - Walker Evans by Belinda Rathbone

Philip-Lorca diCorcia

"In 1999 Philip-Lorca diCorcia set up his camera on a tripod in Times Square, attached strobe lights to scaffolding across the street and, in the time-honored tradition of street photography, took a random series of pictures of strangers passing under his lights." - New York Times

My 83 year old dad cut the article out from the Times and sent it to me with a note, "thought you would find this interesting." At least ten people e-mailed me links to the article.

The gist of the article is that Philip-Lorca took a series of long-lens shots of people walking under his strobe lights and then had a show of the "heads."

An orthodox Jew saw his head shot in the show's catalog and sued the photographer on the grounds of invasion of privacy - and the fact that his religion forbad the worshop of graven images - or something like that.

The case went through the usual channels and wound up at - state supreme court - where it was thrown out.

That, anyway - is my understanding of the case.

The article in the Times (and maybe it has appeared in other venues) included a reproduction of the complainent - Erno Nussenzweig's head.

"Neale Albert, the lawyer who represented Pace/ MacGill, said the case surprised him: 'I have always believed that the so-called street photographers do not need releases for art purposes. In over 30 years of representing photographers, this is the first time a person has raised a complaint against one of my clients by reason of such a photograph.'"

The decision confirmed that street photography - being an art form - was protected by the constitution.

Link to article.

Several thoughts ran through my mind:

1) The reach of the New York Times is astounding.

2) Erno Nussenzweig complained that his religious rights had been violated in that his religion forbad the use of graven images.

- Does Mr. Nussenzweig have a driver's license with his photo on it? And if so - isn't this also a violation of his religion?

- I thought (silly me) that the worshop of graven images was forbidden, not the taking of photographs.

- Could the New York Times be sued for reproducing Mr. Nussenzweig's head shot?

3) So many people have written to me over the years asking whether I got model releases from strangers photographed on the street. This would be a good case to cite.

4) What would happen if a less-financially solvent photographer (myself as an example) were sued. Instant poverty?

5) Since "big brother" security cameras are now all over the place - citizens are being photographed all the time. Since these photographs are not for artistic reasons - wouldn't that make a better case?

6) There is no "time-honored tradition" of photographing strangers with a long lens and strobe lights. Where is the intimacy? Where is the time-honored tradition of fragments that coalesce at just the right moment?

7) How exactly did Erno Nussenzweig discover this shot of himself in a photographic catalog? I find it hard to believe that he's on the subscription list for the Pace gallery?

8) Mr Nussenzweig has substantially increased the price for Mr. diCorcia's work. I wish someone would sue me - but only if it got the same sort of publicity. Perhaps I should set up a long lens rig outside Mr. Nusenzweig's house.

At any rate - the idea that using a long lens and strobe lights to do street photography is a "time-honored tradition" is nonsense.

This photographic technique has more in common with the big-brother security cameras that are now omnipresent than with traditional street photography. And street photography is not time-honored. Walker Evans put off showing his series of subway close-ups for many years because he was afraid of being sued.

I noticed that Mr. Nussenzweig's image was not shown in the online New York Times version - but was in the print edition. I wonder how many New York Times lawyers it took to make that decision.

I think that when I have the time, I'll scan Mr. Nussenzweig's photograph from the print version and photoshop it into my picture with the monkey on the train. That would take this case to a whole nother level. Let me check first with my own battery of lawyers.