Of course, as part of my wellness campaign I found the cheapest health club in the neighborhood and joined up. I've been going for a few days now. Man, this place is filled with losers. I know that sounds harsh and I'm probably one of them, but did you ever see a health club where they've got a bunch of old geezers standing around smoking before going in, and the club even has one of those ashtrays outside with the club's logo: SMACK.
I climb up on a bike, in a row of bikes, in a grid of bikes with the big t.v. blasting some Insider Information about some very gorgeous stars that I suppose we are aspiring to be like or want to know more about. I don't. Everytime I come in I search for the remote control. I then get a bike that is as close to the remote as I can manage and very slowly, as I do my bike thing, I turn down the sound... slowly...
Nobody notices because they've all got the latest copy of some glamour magazine in front of them and buds in their ears... quieter and quieter...
And then the manager, an obese guy who looks like he just stepped off a tramp steamer, comes by and grabs the remote and turns up the sound again. I'm not ready to mess with him. Not yet. Maybe a few more weeks.
I think I saw my grandmother there the other day (she's 92). She said she was going to start working out again now that the kids were finally out of the house.
Well, it's a nice place and I'll keep going - but I'm telling you - the place is filled to the brim with what I'd call bad influences. Oh - upstairs - I found one guy drinking from a brown paper bag. Now it might have been some sports drink - but I don't know. He was wearing a raincoat and sneakers and it wasn't raining.
