Words

I know that many of you are concerned about the recent takeover of the American states by the British, but I assure you children that this takeover is for our own good. Now the British have asked me to teach a class on some of the new words they've introduced into our language so you can understand what they mean. Are you ready class?

Yes, Mrs. Landers.

As you know, some of our citizens have still not accepted the presence of the British on our soil. The British, have assured us that they will leave as soon as they can. In the meantime they are helping us setup a Parliament like they have. And as you know there are a few words that might help you understand what's going on:

Today's word class is: rejectionist.

Let me write it on the blackboard for you kids.

No Jimmy, you won't find rejectionist in the dictionary. The new dictionaries haven't been printed yet, but the next Oxford English-American dictionary will include the word rejectionist.

If you kids continue to hold onto the old ways - if you don't accept the presence of the British - you will be considered a rejectionist. Be careful not to be one of those, at least not while the British are still here. Our official policy is to be an acceptionist. That too is a new word, but it just means that you want our country to be helped out by the British. That is the only reason they are here. Let me repeat that: The British are here to help us because it is clear that we can no longer govern ourselves.

Also, remember kids, that since the British discovered a new process for manufacturing oil, they have once again become world rulers and that you are now a part of the Britanian Empire.

Yes, Mrs. Landers. But they're forcing us to drink tea again.

Well class. I would suggest that you drink it and like it. Their new synthetic Earl Grey is an excellent beverage even if it is a side product of their new synthetic oil manufacturing process. Now Tommy - a simple remark like that about your dislike of tea would be considered a rejectionist remark.

Yes, Mrs. Landers.

Now I know this is a hard transition for you, but the new Prime Minister, Mrs. Thatcher II, has made it quite clear that these new words be explained to you.

The next word is, Bushist. I'm sure you know what that means?

Yes - Marge. I see your hand Marge. Yes, that's correct. Someone who still follows, either in their heart or mind the former President Bush. As you know, President Bush is no longer President and we must pay attention to what our new Prime Minister says. Remember, we don't want to go back to the days of the republic where our own politics were disfunctional.

The Prime Minister has a lot in common with our former President. Both had parents who ruled their countries for a while. So don't be a Bushist; don't be a rejectionist; be an acceptionist.

Now there are two other words that she asked me to explain to you, terrorist and insurgent. But that will be for our next class. Now everybody please stand up, we are going to sing God Save the Queen.

Yes, Mrs. Landers.

Mrs. Landers?

Yes, Beaver.

Mrs. Landers, my dad can't sign my homework tonight because we can't find him. Some men came into the house last night and took him away.

Beaver, I'm sorry to hear that. That brings us to another word: renditioned. Have you heard of that? You haven't. I'll explain that to you tomorrow.

[As far as I know, Dave wasn't smoking mushrooms when he wrote this but I can't keep track of him 24 hours a day. He also missed the main news of the day: Transit Strike in New York. He told me that he wasn't interested in photographing the transit strike and I asked him why not. He just said it was like photographing something not happening. My own take is that it was too cold for him. -- ed. ]