I've decided to apply for the new post of Energy Caeser. My major plank is going to be that gas prices in our empire should be controlled so that they are steady - and most importantly as high as gas prices in Europe. My theory is that this is the best way to encourage alternative sources of energy and will force what are already global car manufacturing companies to sell the cars they sell in Europe to America.
True - these cars don't have room for DVD players, or even cup holders - but we are an adaptive people and will learn to hang our coffee from flasks around our necks if we need to. And don't forget - we invented miniature golf!
Now my campaign advisor believes this is idiotic because the car is the American symbol and has roots going back to the cowboy era. Americans want big, fast and powerful machines that say who they are. Not these cracker boxes.
Oh that's good. He's just arrived with a flak jacket for my first news conference. It has a couple of holes in it. He says he got it at Walmart. No - don't worry, he says. The holes are from the last politician that took this stance.
Who was that, I ask?
Someone you never heard of, he says smiling. But if you look beneath the Meadowlands you might find him.
3 comments:
Yes, you won't get elected, but you're right about the solution to the problem. I hate SUVs but when I think of my family in a Honda civic, colliding with a Ford Expedition and being turned into hamburger meat, I'm almost tempted to buy a 8,000 lb. "car"
Matt, don't worry, according to my new policy EVERYONE will be in miniature cars. SUVs will be illegal. Level playing field and all that sort of rot.
And Barrett - bike lanes - all over the place.
Dave- I too agree with your idea of raising the prices in hopes it stimulates research in alternative fuel technologies and I think it would. This something I have believed for some time. And yeah I agree it should be at least $7/gallon (it has to be a drastic change or this reaction won't really happen). I think the other thing it would help stimulate is an increase of *real* public transportation in many of the US cities. And I think one of the set backs to alternative fuels is price of the end product (at least initially but this idea would work so long as gas is always more expensive). A good temporary alternative is domestically produced biodeisel.
I read an article on this basic topic earlier this week on www.slate.com but I can't seem to find it right now. The author agreed with the idea.
And I also have to agree that 400 horses is just ridiculous. Why do you need so much just to haul you and probably only you to work, the grocery store, etc? I own and drive a small car by most American standards (and by the way, I'm a huge fan of small cars. The movability is what attracts me.). It has a 1-liter 3 cylinder engine and it gets an amazing 70 some horses. Gets me where I'm going, I can keep up with the rest of traffic and I can park in a tight spot in San Francisco (try doing that in a SUV).
One thing I'll miss when all the oil is burned up is plastics.
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