Christmas 2005

It's Christmas. No doubt of it.

The Victoria's Secret mannequins are in skimpy Santa Clause outfits. The emblazoned slogan on the windows proclaims: Have A Very Sexy Christmas.

The landlord (that we've been fighting with to put a lock on the front entrance) has placed a green plastic wreath on that door.

The office-workers are listening for rumors about their Christmas bonuses.

The CIA is sending Christmas dinners to secret inquisitions drops overseas.

In the old days - He drove the money-changers and merchants out of the temple. Now He returns to find that the entire economy of the country is based on his birthday. He finds everything from underwear to electric screwdrivers being sold in his name.

So He stands on the corner of 59th and Park Avenue and begins to rail out against how his name has been commercialized. He still has his old clothes on, and looks somewhat scruffy. The local cops aren't even sure what language he's speaking but it sounds like something middle-eastern. Definitely not English. No identification. He has picked up a few words and he's apparantly angry about Christmas. Angry about Christmas? Foreign? Could be a terrorist. Better check him out.

New York's Finest pick him up and notify the FBI.

He's brought in for questioning.

Next thing he knows, he's on a plane headed for a secret drop point in Jordan. At first he thinks he's being taken back to his birthplace, only to find himself deposited in a small cell where he's pumped with drugs.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch - there's a big brouhahah in D.C. about whether they've got a Christmas tree or a holiday tree in front of the White House and whether or not Pres. Bush can say "Merry Christmas" in his greeting cards or not.

Oh the point. If there is one. If Jesus ever did re-appear he'd probably just get himself into trouble again. He'd be denounced by the Christian right. He'd be seen as anti-American. And before you knew it - he'd be out of the way. I don't think he'd be allowed to be martyred again. Just disappeared.